Monster Cat Mash
lyrics by Glen Newton

Verse 1:
I was cleaning litter boxes late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight!
My old cat Igor opened his eyes,
And suddenly, to my surprise…

He did the mash! (He did the Monster Mash!) He did the mash! (It was a graveyard smash!) He did the mash! (He caught on in a flash!) He did the mash! (He did the Monster Mash!)

Verse 2:
From the cattery in the basement east
To the birthing room where the kittens feast,
The cats began to purr and smile,
And imitate Igor’s dancing style.

Chorus: And do the mash (etc.)

Verse 3:
The cats were dancing; they knew what to do,
The household pets and the purebreds, too!
They danced to the light of the Halloween moon,
And somebody played a swing dance tune.

Band Interlude; voiceover timed to end up matching the band:
“And if you’d like to buy a cat from me, you can call me at Transylvania 6-5-oh-oh-oh.”

The teasers were lots of fun
The grooming had just begun
When the door swung wide and a man stepped in
With a shiny badge and a Cheshire cat grin.

Verse 4:
He came from the SPCA,
To inspect my cattery that day
He had one question, if you please:
“Whatever happened to ‘Kitten on the Keys’?”

Chorus: It’s now the mash (etc.)

Verse 5:
The inspector joined the dancing, too,
And gave me this message to pass to you.
“Take your cats to a show today
In the North Central Region of the ACFA.”

Chorus: And you can mash (etc.)

Performed October 30, 2004, at the ACFA North Central Regional Banquet by Glen Newton, with Bruce Bailey as the inspector, Norma Anderson as Igor, and dancers Mitzi and Kirby Trooinen and Janis Benjamin.

Click here for a 3MB MP3 recording of the background music.

This page was last updated
Friday, February 07, 2020.

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